I have MS

So, since it's National MS Awareness week, I thought I'd share my story. Just a disclaimer: This will probably be a long post. Hope you've got a snack handy.

It's not that I've been avoiding posting this. It's just that #1, I've only been blogging for a short time and this wasn't the first thing on my list to blog about, and #2, I didn't want to be known as someone with a disability. Not that I'm ashamed of it, not that there's anything wrong with having a disability, and not that it is disabling at this point. But I think, in my mind anyway, when you hear of someone that has MS, your mind instantly thinks of anyone else you know that has MS and what they are like and maybe how hard it has been for them. Then you project your knowledge onto the new situation. Anyway, I guess I just didn't want to be labeled as disabled. Because, really, I'm not.

Anyway, here's the short version of my story. I was diagnosed with MS in September 2007 and I really am doing just fine. And if you want the long version, read on. :)

When I first learned I had MS, I immediately thought of a friend's mom I know who also has MS. I remember her being in a wheelchair at times, and other times she was OK. That kind of scared me to think that I could end up in a wheelchair. But the more I learned about MS (Multiple Sclerosis), the less scared I was. For a little background on MS, here's a good basic definition, and a video if you're more of a visual learner :).

Anyway, I have what they call Relapsing-Remitting MS. That basically means there are times that you are fine (Remitting) and times when you experience more severe symptoms (Relapse). The relapses can last anywhere from days to weeks to months and your symptoms can vary in their intensity as well. You just never know. Luckily my symptoms have been pretty mild. I don't know what the future will hold, but for now I can still run with my kids, I can still do aerobics, I can still function just fine. Actually, it's hard for me to admit I have MS sometimes, because my body doesn't really act like it does.

Kudos to you if you're still reading. I told you you'd need a snack! Here's a little about how I found out I had MS:

I think I had my first symptoms in March of 2006 right after Maddie was born. At my 6 week postpartum checkup I told my OB I'd been having some numbing in my feet, legs, and hands. My OB said it was probably just a pinched nerve from childbirth and that it would go away. It did go away, but kept coming back. I really didn't think anything of the numbness/ tingling, etc. It was more obnoxious than anything, and didn't bug me enough to do anything about it.

Then in Jan 2007 more weird things started happening. I would come in from outside, and parts of my body would stay cold. They didn't feel cold to the touch, but the inside felt cold. Then there was still the random tingling and numbness. So in March 2007 I decided a year of this was enough, and I made an appointment with a neurologist. He did some tests in his office and said he thought something was going on, and he wanted me to get an MRI. I agreed until I looked into the cost of the MRI and then decided to wait. I really didn't think my symptoms were severe enough to justify the cost, so I put it off.

Then in July 2007 I started having stranger symptoms. Every time I bent my head down, I felt an electrical sensation go all the way down my spine. It was crazy. Along with that, I'd still have mild numbness and tingling in my feet and legs. So I decided to go ahead with the MRI. The results came back the next day and I get this message on my answering machine, "There are some areas of concern on your MRI. You need to come in and see the Dr". OK, if that didn't make me start freaking out! So I go to the neurologist the next day and he pretty much points out the lesions on my brain and spine and says he "thinks" I have MS. Great, first of all, I know nothing about MS, second of all, he wasn't sure it really was MS.

After doing a lot of research I guess he was right. There is no one definitive test that proves you have MS. However, my neurologist wanted me to jump right into treatment. I decided to get a second opinion before doing that. So found another neurologist that specializes in MS. I felt like this new neurologist really did know what he was talking about. But he wanted to do more testing to say if it was definitively MS. So I had another MRI of a different part of my spine and I also had a spinal tap (lumbar puncture). Those both came back as having more lesions on my spine, and having the protein in my spinal fluid that is most common in MS patients. So in September of 2007 it was official: I definitely have MS. Here is the MRI of my T-spine. The lesions are circled. I think they're fun to look at:

I guess it really wasn't a huge shock to hear I have a chronic illness. I'm still not really affected by it. I don't know that I'm in denial. It's always in the back of my mind, but for the most part I plan on living as normal of a life as I can. I always tell people that of all the times in history to have MS, this is a pretty good time. There is so much research being done and the medications have come a long way. So I do what I can to control it as much as possible: I take my injections, I keep up on research, and I go to my doctor appointments. But beyond that, I just pretend I don't really have MS. I control what's in my control, and the rest I'll just learn to live with. I actually consider myself extremely blessed that my symptoms are so mild. I know there are others with this illness that have to struggle through every day and my heart goes out to them. I don't know what the future holds for me, but for now, I'm at peace with where I'm at. I have MS, and I'm OK with that.