Well, crud

Most of the time I like to think I'm invincible. I guess that's not the best word. But for most of my life I have really felt that I can accomplish or do anything I set out to do. With hard work, determination and faith, there isn't anything unattainable. I've always been more of an optimist than a pessimist. I like to look on the bright side of things and try hard not to let anything get me down.

However, these past couple of weeks have made me question myself. I'm starting to wonder how I can accomplish and do everything I want to do if my body isn't cooperating. Since my MS diagnosis over two years ago, things have been pretty good for me. I don't talk about it much, because it really hasn't affected me much. When people ask how I'm doing, I tell them I'm fine. Because I am.

But over the past couple of weeks, things have gotten a little worse. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's because I haven't been running much. Maybe it's because of my sub-par holiday diet. I don't know. My legs just don't want to work very well. They feel heavy, like they're attached to me, but not really a part of me. They feel like they're half-way asleep. Kind of like right after childbirth when the epidural starts to wear off, but you don't have all your sensation back. Like you're living in a constant state of pins and needles. It kinda sucks.

And honestly, I can handle these symptoms right now. They're fine. I'm sure in a few weeks they'll go away. But for the first time since my diagnosis, I've started to realize that this MS stuff could really affect my life- and maybe not in a good way. It's a kind of wake-up call. In a way, I guess I've been in a bit of denial. Kind of like when you're pregnant and you really can't believe you'll be a parent until the little one arrives. Then reality kicks in. I guess that's what I'm experiencing right now: a little bit of a kick in the pants from our friend Reality. And it sucks.

But you know what? I'm just gonna keep on kicking right back. MS or no, I'm going to keep on fighting. I'm going to keep on trying until I can't anymore. Because that's what life is all about, isn't it? It's not easy or fun most of the time. And sometimes all we can do is try and keep trying, and kick and keep kicking until we get through it. That's just life. And right now it's teaching me something. I may be down, but I'm not out. Eye of the tiger, baby. Eye of the tiger. And I swear that's the last boxing metaphor. Honest. Oh, and go, fight, win!