Dear Kitchen Floor,

I keep waiting and waiting for you to clean yourself. You really are in need of a good scrub down. Hasn't anyone told you this? Each night I go to bed hoping you'll be magically clean in the morning. But you don't seem to be pulling your weight around here and I'm afraid you're starting to look atrocious. So I'll give you maybe one more night, and then I think I'll be forced to take drastic measures. Thanks for all you do for us, supporting the ground under our feet and all. But really, could you please get your act together? Thanks and love, M.